New Normal

Limb less, Live more by Caitlin Stokes explores the world of limb loss.

‘New Normal’ is a term that we have heard a lot recently. The COVID-19 pandemic has resulted in a drastic change in how we live our lives on a day-to-day basis. Although a new concept to most of the country, it is a known entity to anyone who has been through an amputation, or other life changing injury/ illness

As we go through life, change usually happens gradually, with our conscious self barely registering the difference. Big changes like deciding to have children, or a career adjustment, can cause initial turmoil as we question ourselves and physically adapt to the requirements. But our desire for this change or action helps us to continue on and out the other side. We are in control of our decisions. An amputation, whether elective or life-saving, is not a choice we would make unless circumstances dictate it was essential.

In times of uncertainty and upheaval, it is easier to cling to what we know and the comfort of routine. Our self-identity (write separate post on self-identity) is rooted in our everyday tasks – I am a soldier, I am a mother, I am a runner. We can have multiple identities depending on our beliefs and lifestyles.

An amputation can change this. Scotts’ (my partner) above knee amputation meant he would lose his job in the military after 16 years of service; he would be unable to pick his daughter up while he healed; he would have to learn to walk again; and we would both have to adapt to a new normal.

As with any life changing event, it is important to understand we cannot go back to the way things were, we can only move forwards. I will not tell you this is easy – traumatic events never are – but I can tell you that it is possible to adapt to a ‘new normal’, find purpose and have a truly great life, even if it doesn’t play into the vision you imagined.

Here are some tips to help you find your new normal.

1. Don’t be afraid to think outside the box
   1. It is very easy to think that because you have lost a leg or multiple limbs, that you are no longer able to achieve or accomplish certain tasks – but why not? Some of the best creations come during time of hardship, when there is a need. Just because it hasn’t been thought up yet, doesn’t mean it is unattainable.
2. Do not let others tell you what you are capable of
   1. When Scott lost his leg, people were very quick to tell him that he couldn’t do this, or he shouldn’t do that. This fuelled Scott to prove them wrong (which he did!), but it could just as easily have caused him to lose confidence and belief. When people tell you you’re not able to do something – even if it comes from a place of caring – it is often a reflection of their own feelings and not of your potential. You are the only one who can decide what you are capable of, and what is important to you.
3. Be Patient
   1. Nothing will happen overnight. Healing takes time and there will always be ups and downs – that’s life. Give your body the time it needs to rest and adjust. You will probably have no idea what you want your new normal to look like initially – and that is okay! Nobody knows exactly what they want to do all the time. As your body adjusts, let your mind adjust too – it is really an exciting new adventure to explore! Having worked in the military for 16 years, Scott went to a snowsports open day after losing his leg. Despite having never done any snow sports before, he fell in love with snowboarding and is now on a Paralympic pathway. Not everybody will want to be a Paralympian, but my point is that life can take strange turns, and they don’t have to be negative.
4. Surround yourself with the right people
   1. This goes for life in general, and it is so important to surround yourself with like-minded people, or those who will help energise you. (You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with – find quote). Our friend group has changed a lot since the amputation. We realised who we could really rely on to be there for us, cared about and wanted in our lives. You have to remember that others in your circle may find it difficult to come to terms with drastic change too, even if it is your life not theirs that is being affected. If people do fall away, that is not their fault, or your fault, but a natural progression of life. They are making room for the people who really do matter.

It takes time, but three years after amputation we have learnt a lot about ourselves, each other, and have been able to embrace our new normal and the opportunities it has presented us with.

Caitlinx